Ever had one of those weeks?

You know those kinds of weeks. Just blah. Work is going fine, so it isn't that. Something happened in my personal life (sorry, you aren't getting any more about it than that - but totally unreleated to hotwifing) that kind of threw me for a loop. It's getting better, though. There are times that I don't think about it, but there are other times where it just sneaks up on me.

I feel like I should make a decision, some sort of action, but I find myself just drifting, which is really a decision in and of itself. Inaction can be a decision - staying the course. And, it may very well be the correct one. But it's hard to not second guess yourself. If you make the wrong decision, you have to look back and realize how stupid and naive that you were. I don't want to make the wrong decision, and choosing action, might very well be the wrong thing. On top of that, I feel guilt hurting the very person who hurt me, which just seems really bizarre. What can you do about that? What should you do about that? The person who caused me pain, forcing this reflection, didn't intend to. I always knew that. Which, ironically, makes it hurt that much more.

I've always been a person who makes decisions and usually doesn't agonize over them. So this situation makes it much more difficult for me. I was depressed for a few days, not speaking much. I find that I'm not nearly so quiet (and, those of you who know me, know that quiet is not my normal state). I come out of it for periods of time, but even then, I'm not the verbose, happy person that I usually am. I miss that part of me. Right now, I just have this pressure in the middle of my chest that seems to reside there and flare up occasionally, reminding me that it has taken up residence. I think falling back on routine can help dislodge the unwelcome feelings, but should I? Does ignoring the pain mean I'm burying my head in the sand and not doing what is right for me and my family?

Why does life have to be complicated? My life, for the most part, has been relatively uncomplicated. I've had it easy when compared to many. Taking action, in this case, will make things much harder than they are now, more difficult, more complicated. And if I take that action, I will have absolutely no support system, locally, making things infinitely more difficult. So, all it probably means is that I won't take action, go back to routine, and just wall off that little intruder that took residence in my chest. A bit like Edgar Allen Poe did "The Cask of Amontillado".